she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
