I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
