Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
