Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
