Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
