I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
