I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Hippo gnu deer
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
