operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
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