the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
