BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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