Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
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We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
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I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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