god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
