Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
