Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
