He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
