We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
