i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
