i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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