3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
