i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
