If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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