Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
