Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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