I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
