Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
