Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
