just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
