you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
