I'm passing your future prison.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
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How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize