Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
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Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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