fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
