I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
