so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize