I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
