I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
