I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
