Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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