Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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