she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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