I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
