I'm going to jail i love you
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
