She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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