a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
