so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
