Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
