How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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