They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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