I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
