sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
