guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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