yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
