I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
