No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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