i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
