Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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