Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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