I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
