Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
