I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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