i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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