I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
