Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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