A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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