Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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