I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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