i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
