So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
