My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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