I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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