The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
