If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
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