I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
